I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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