Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
