Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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