Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
