She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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