he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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