I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
