WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I feel like death gave me a hand job
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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