I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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