question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Barsexuality is the new black.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
