remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Randomize
