My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
