i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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