and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
