Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
