Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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