The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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