When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
do nipples grow back?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
