He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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