told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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