Will you blow on my dice?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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