How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
