take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
