she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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