Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
