what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
