I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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