i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
