well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
