He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
