Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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