I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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