walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize