My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
