Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
