I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
