I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
