He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Watching her eat just hurts me
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
