pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
