Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
