Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize