it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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