she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
