My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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