His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
