apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
