Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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