I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Randomize
