apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
