I think I am morally bankrupt
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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