Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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