Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
