Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
