3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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