is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
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