Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
