So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
