she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I am midnight drunk by noon
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
