Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize