what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
