I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
