I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
