I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
