Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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