I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
