I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
