Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
