wat bout pragnant strippers??
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
