Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
smell my finger.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
