wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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