Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
