Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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