I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He keeps bees of course he's weird
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize