This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Randomize
