if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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