I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
