I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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