So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
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