Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
