I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
