you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
