He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
