Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Come see our sink grown plant.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
third nipple confirmed
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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