if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
