Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
