this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize