Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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