What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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