I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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