can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I want a musical about memes.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
