I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
