you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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