it wasn't lemon gatorade
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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