We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
