you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
The air taste purple.
Randomize
