the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
