The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
