If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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